inspiration file

We're moving!

2010-06-30T00:00:00.001-04:00

After a long time on Blogger, I am moving the works over to Wordpress. This blog will remain available and active, but I am moving all the posts over to my blog on Wordpress: www.inspirationfile.wordpress.com

We'll see how it goes and maybe we'll like it better!

first day of summer break!

2010-06-29T23:39:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day of summer break. Summer school behind me, and bright beautiful opportunity ahead. So I spent all morning reading and all afternoon too, and when Stephen got off work we decided to go to Ikea and have dinner.

On our way walking up from the highway where the bus lets us off, we saw a groundhog! It was moving really fast, sort of loping up and down. I had seen one there before just very briefly, but this time Stephen got to see it too and we watched it for a while. So nice! Sadly, my uncle shoots groundhogs. I can't imagine shooting anything.

While we were in line at the cafeteria in Ikea we decided to get a little Daim cake -- it's a small flat little slice of cake with ice cream on the bottom and little swedish Daim chocolate candy crumbled on the top costing a mere $1.95. I broke a tip of the cake off and ate it while in line. Suddenly the thought occurred to us, in a very 12 year old style of rebellious excitement, could we eat the cake before getting through the line up? An empty plate with chocolate smears on it just ahead of us told us that we could. We ate half and then I got cold feet and we left the other half there melting by the garlic toast. It is so silly that at 20 we can get a little thrill of rebellion from doing that as we could have when we were 14.

And now for something completely different:

transcendence within us

2010-06-29T11:52:00.000-04:00

"If we call transcendence the ability of the mind to pass beyond itself and all other things as well, to escape from itself that it may lose itself elsewhere; then to be a visible transcendence is the meaning of a face" - Jean Paul Sartre "The Face"

Just a repost from a while ago.

possible clubs of the month

2010-06-27T20:37:00.002-04:00

(photo via Xx_rebeldiamonds_xX on photobucket)

I was thinking about those monthly subscriptions you can get for various things. Usually this occurs as some kind of gift, because most people can buy their own fruit/salsa/wine/cigar/perfume. But can't there be more exciting thing-of-the-month subscriptions? The coolest actual one I know of, which I ordered for S once was a "Man Pack" which you could subscribe to on various levels, and which supplied you with an order of fresh socks or basic tshirt or boxers, all in a range of different styles or colours, and different amounts. I would like a girl version of this. I have seen things like panty of the month, but what about a whole package of neat things? Here are some other ideas:

Photo of the month: this would be a fine-art type photo subscription that could be organized by category (farm, dogs, people, European, bridges, hats etc.) Or you could get an assortment of random ones
Stationary of the month: this would supply you (over the course of a year) with a stock of nice stationary. One month you'd get some fancy monogrammed envelopes, the next some nice stationary, the next some lovely blank birthday cards, the next a fountain pen. You could choose the style: froofy, plain jane, country, business, teen and so on.
Sport of the month: each month you would receive some sporting gear based on the season and your location. So in Montreal in January you'd get a hockey stick and hockey puck with a Canadiens scarf (in Vancouver it'd be the same, except a Canucks scarf), in May you'd get a frisbee and sunglasses and in December you'd get dance shoes.
Fish of the month: pretty self-explanatory. This is for people that love aquariums. I don't know if you can mail fish, but you could order them into a pet shop. You could choose between sizes, colours, temperatures and salt or fresh water.
Instrument of the month: this one would really depend on how much you were willing to spend. For a low-income student for example, one month you'd get a bongo, another month you'd get an Irish tin whistle, and the next a xylophone. For highrollers, you'd get a electric guitars, grand pianos of different styles, and an organ.
Wedding of the month: okay so this one you'd have to specify exactly when your wedding was and then you would receive the things you need based on the time before. So first you'd get some stamps with both your names and some photo holders and card stock, then eventually you'd get a dress, then invitations, and finally lots of painkillers and something to take the edge off.
Party of the month: in a similar vein to the other one, except this one would be theme specific, like mardi gras, bar mitzvah, school's-out, cocktail, craft parties. You would receive invitations, some decor, music selection, appropriate costume (like beads, or a mask or fancy hair stuff, or bowties), and some food help, like a picnic blanket or even flute glasses.
Cat of the month: this is for crazy cat ladies. The possibilities are endless. Different breeds, different sizes, even "painted cats" (don't know how I feel about that last one, but in the name of capitalism...)
Icon of the month: hey! Now there is a good idea! This could be a pre-specified selection of saints, or based on the liturgical year, or based on the family's patron saints (and how many members there are).
Boudoir of the month: little need be said here. Sounds fancy and fun though!
Hygiene year: okay so this one is pretty practical. You could specify between the targeted demographic, because everyone knows that a 19 year old guy's hygiene is different from a 48 year old lady's. Soaps, shampoo, shaving soap, face masks, travel cleansers, cologne, body powder, after-shave, scrubs, etc.
Soother of the month: for new parents. Every month you get a set of new soothers for your baby.

Too bad I can't really copyright any of these ideas, because I think there are a few goodies in there.

my week in pictures

2010-06-26T10:43:00.002-04:00

Hi guys! Here's my week in pictures, as per (sort of) usual!

What do you like to see photos of?

Montreal? Architecture? My life?

My cat? Stephen? Me? My apartment?

bright copper on roof

ivy

sprout and sleeping duck

why is no one else here?

otto took a walk here on his leash

lovely pots and navy

you photog, i photog (& roller coaster)

i have a hard time getting a good shot of sheng, but he actually does smile

the cat who should pay for his own healthcare

2010-06-25T13:07:00.001-04:00

All plans were put on hold yesterday when I brought Otto in from hanging out on the balcony on his leash to find his face all puffy. It looked as if he had gotten his wisdom teeth pulled out. Here is a low budget film that just barely proves his situation.

Presumably he got bitten by a bug he was accosting out there, but since he does not speak English we have no way of knowing. Swelling near a cat's face is dangerous as the allergen causing the swelling can also cause their throats to close up, which is not visible from outside the cat's body. I zoomed him via cab to the emergency vet -- since of course this happens on a holiday and the regular vet down the street is closed. He was so distressed he peed in his carrier, and they had to soap him off when he got there.

I opted to bring him home and watch him continually through the night, eventually waking up to check on him every so often. The swelling has mostly gone down now, so I think he should be okay. After a $250 vet visit yesterday I don't want to take him to the vet if I can avoid it.

So now he has to stay inside for the next few days, which he'll hate me for, but that's the cost for harrassing bugs I guess.

French and Scottish

2010-06-23T11:33:00.001-04:00

I am so exhausted from this German course! It was a crazy thing to jump right into such an intense course with no break from my previous semester. But it's almost done! Today was a review class, and then we have a break for St. Jean Baptiste day on Thursday (even Stephen gets a day off work) and then the exam on Monday!

Last year for St. Jean Baptiste day we just hung out in Chapters and read books. This year we are actually going to a big park where there'll be a huge concert and parade and so on. I have already painted my nails bright blue for the event.

Also marked on my calendar for that day (June 24th) is that it is the anniversary of the Battle at Bannockburn, which was one of the most decisive battles in forming Scotland. I wrote this down in preparation for assimilating Stephen's heritage into mine -- though so far I know more about it, or rather, am more interested in it than he is! One year for Christmas I gave him a scarf with the tartan of his ancestors on it, and a booklet I put together about their clan and what they did and where they lived. Anyway, so later on in the evening we'll watch Rob Roy (since we recently watched Braveheart and you can't watch that movie too frequently...) with another Scottish friend. There aren't any Scottish pubs that I know of, and I don't really know what a particularly Scottish activity is to do.

As for the rest of Canada, it will be an ordinary Thursday, Quebec getting this unique holiday. Of course, you could always, like me, celebrate some events that might be of significant interest to you. For example, Rousseau's birthday (1712) is on the 28th of June. I'll be doing an exam that day, and since he wrote so much about education, I think that's all I'll do in his honour. Maybe have a drink that night and toast to him, and to education thankfully not only being in the classroom.

your heart

2010-06-22T22:13:00.001-04:00

a poem about a kirchner picture

2010-06-22T12:37:00.000-04:00

It is Second Picture.
There are two prostitutes in a street.
There are a lot of men.
I remember a man with a cigarette
his face is most noticeable
but the two prostitutes are also very evident in the foreground.

The picture is dark with a few bright colours.
The colors are bright obnoxious
like the lips of the man and his yellow cigarette.
The picture seems in a hurry, because it is blurry.

This Technique is effective because it shows an occupied city.
Many people - and two horses - in the background
-- and because he is also in a hurry, --
they show a city with movement.

The faces of the people are pale and
not face the audience
so the atmosphere is mysterious and a bit sinister.

It is in the image uniformity,
because all men wear the same suit.
But a woman has feathers on her hat
and there is a strange atmosphere.

The man who has the most faces is turning forward a wrong attitude
and it is unfortunate.

I do not love this picture.
The face is ugly
and there is an atmosphere uncomfortable and strange.

by Natalia Toronchuk

written in German, translated by Google Translator

birdsong: a duet

2010-06-20T14:52:00.001-04:00

announcing: we're engaged!

2010-06-15T23:52:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone! I wanted to wait until we had some engagement photos done to announce officially that Stephen and I are engaged! We are so excited and happily in love.

We had our photos done by Jonathan Clark who gave us a discount because we're students and we asked sweetly. You can check out his site here if you like.

2010-06-14T12:02:00.001-04:00

“Get up and dance, get up and smile, get up and drink to the days that are gone in the shortest while.”

― Simon Fowler

(photo credit: Extra Medium on flickr)

The Mother of all Funk Chords

2010-06-13T18:31:00.000-04:00

Really neat random compilation someone did of a whole bunch of you tube videos posted by various people... unbeknownst to them, they are jamming together!!!

as I rode back into the school the bells struck seven and a rabbit ran across the road

2010-06-12T20:25:00.000-04:00

Things in my head...

There are many quotes which I feel for a few minutes will perfectly help me define my lifestyle and motivate me. Those epiphanies never last long.

There are blueberries in the fridge. Blueberries for salad, blueberries for scones, blueberries for pancakes, blueberries in my hands.

Snail mail.

Finally I have a table at my apartment. That's right, I have been living here for almost a whole year without a real table. It is amazing what you can live without.

Otto likes to take trips outside not only on his leash, but around the city in his carrier. I walk him over to Stephen's every once in a while and he seems to love peering out and everything and taking in the smells. He walks right into his carrier now!

Things are never exactly as I expect them, sometimes they are better, sometimes they are worse. In general, it seems to just embrace them as they are, rather than fight them.

Festivals. Festivals are neverending. Electronica and then Jewish and then Jazz music, then film festivals then cultural festivals then food festivals. Then Shakespeare festivals then Comic book festivals then birdwatching festivals. Then writing festivals then decor festivals then seasonal festivals then photography festivals. They are all loud and incredible. Except the mime festivals.

summer goals

2010-06-11T14:05:00.001-04:00

With my German course almost finished, I can start dreaming about what to do with my real summer break! Do you guys have any plans or things you'd like to do? August I am going to be away from home almost the whole month, but I still have July!

1. Make my pinhole camera
2. Teach Otto a new trick
3. Go camping in Quebec
4. Read a book a week
5. Take a class at the YMCA

zeitgeist

2010-06-10T23:55:00.000-04:00

This summer is going to whiz by and then it will be fall already. Then the fall will get caught up and all of a sudden it will be finals and Christmas vacation. Then school will have started, we'll be on our way to spring break, and then without looking around, the semester will be ending again. We stay busy and every once in a while we stick our heads up to see what other people are doing and how the time is going by in every one else's little windows. Like taking a brief walk when it is dark outside and looking in the glowing windows of other's houses and seeing what life is like in there. And then we duck back inside and it is light and noisy and we forget about them and the outside world until the next time.

photo updates: gardens, nyc, hiking

2010-06-10T13:33:00.003-04:00

Sorry I haven't been updating my photos. Truth be told, I haven't been taking very many anyway. My German course takes up my thought time, whether I'm actually studying or not. I can't believe it is almost over, though. The final exam is June 28! Das ist sehr schnell!!!

We had a very important photo shoot the other day... I'll do another post later on this week. Until then, enjoy the photos!

swimming pool we added to the roof. stephen and otto are pictured enjoying it.

formula for life

alphabet

the important part of this picture are the 2 statues of men seen on the roofs. why? we spotted these all over nyc. don't know why...

not as tall as it looks

before

after

hike with mom in new jersey

it was a hiking trail mom used to go on with her cousin when she was a little girl

birthday wisdom from Charlotte's 94th birthday ("happiness" is the best)

mosaic table in progress

this is actually on my street, which is fantastic. people cram gardens in where they can.

next door.

my garden

sweet peas on the railing

I grew these from seed!

20 pots total

personal developer: steve

2010-06-05T14:47:00.002-04:00

I'm just reading through some more of Steve Pavlina's articles, the guy whose site I recently mentioned and added to my links. Some I've enjoyed just recently are

10 Tips for College Students

Timeboxing (a time management method)

Graduating College in 3 Semesters

Rapid Improvement

To quote from his Rapid Improvement article:

"This may be common, but it’s also very inefficient. Common and inefficient are practically synonyms."

He closes his 10 Tips article with this:

"People often assume my aggressive schedule must have been stressful and exhausting, but the irony is that it was just the opposite. I seemed to have an easier, more enjoyable experience than my peers. Students with lighter schedules slacked off and fell behind because they convinced themselves they could make up for it later. But I couldn’t afford to do that because it would have been impossible for me to catch up on a dozen different classes… and way too stressful to even think about it. If I fell even a week behind, I’d be in serious trouble. So I was compelled to develop good habits that kept me perpetually relaxed, focused, and energized. Many of the habits discussed above were simply the result of setting the goal to graduate in three semesters. That goal dictated the process. I’m very grateful for the experience because it showed me just how much more effective we can be when we push ourselves beyond our comfort zones. It taught me to keep setting goals beyond what I feel certain I can accomplish. Many times what we assume to be impossible just isn’t. We only think it is."

Part of his 3 Semesters article included:

"Pick one clear goal and go at it with monomaniacal intensity. Then rest, relax, and repeat. It doesn’t matter if you don’t pick the perfect goal to begin with. Picking anything is better than nothing. You’re guaranteed to achieve nothing if you stand still.

Earn a degree. Write a novel. Launch a business. Get a girlfriend. Buy a house. Lose 20 pounds. What one thing would you dare to make your #1 focus for the next 90 days? What nonessentials are you willing to cut from your life in order to ensure that you achieve that goal?"

A phrase he sometimes uses is "Full-Assed Is Better Than Half-Assed" Which seems like a reasonable motto to me...

The next one I'm curious about is... 10 Reasons You Should Never Have a Religion... I wonder what that has to do with productivity??

"Can We Help You?"

2010-06-05T00:32:00.000-04:00

Awkward Family Photos. Funniest blog ever. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, Victoria!!

"This family just wants to know what the hell you're looking at"

Knee-Deep in June - James Whitcomb Riley

2010-06-04T14:00:00.000-04:00

Tell you what I like the best --
'Long about knee-deep in June,
'Bout the time strawberries melts
On the vine, -- some afternoon
Like to jes' git out and rest,
And not work at nothin' else!

Orchard's where I'd ruther be --
Needn't fence it in fer me! --
Jes' the whole sky overhead,
And the whole airth underneath --
Sort o' so's a man kin breathe
Like he ort, and kind o' has
Elbow-room to keerlessly
Sprawl out len'thways on the grass
Where the shadders thick and soft
As the kivvers on the bed
Mother fixes in the loft
Allus, when they's company!

Jes' a-sort o' lazin there -
S'lazy, 'at you peek and peer
Through the wavin' leaves above,
Like a feller 'ats in love
And don't know it, ner don't keer!
Ever'thing you hear and see
Got some sort o' interest -
Maybe find a bluebird's nest
Tucked up there conveenently
Fer the boy 'at's ap' to be
Up some other apple tree!
Watch the swallers skootin' past
Bout as peert as you could ast;
Er the Bob-white raise and whiz
Where some other's whistle is.

Ketch a shadder down below,
And look up to find the crow --
Er a hawk, - away up there,
'Pearantly froze in the air! --
Hear the old hen squawk, and squat
Over ever' chick she's got,
Suddent-like! - and she knows where
That-air hawk is, well as you! --
You jes' bet yer life she do! --
Eyes a-glitterin' like glass,
Waitin' till he makes a pass!

Pee-wees wingin', to express
My opinion, 's second-class,
Yit you'll hear 'em more er less;
Sapsucks gittin' down to biz,
Weedin' out the lonesomeness;
Mr. Bluejay, full o' sass,
In them baseball clothes o' his,
Sportin' round the orchad jes'
Like he owned the premises!
Sun out in the fields kin sizz,
But flat on yer back, I guess,
In the shade's where glory is!
That's jes' what I'd like to do
Stiddy fer a year er two!

Plague! Ef they ain't somepin' in
Work 'at kind o' goes ag'in'
My convictions! - 'long about
Here in June especially! --
Under some ole apple tree,
Jes' a-restin through and through,
I could git along without
Nothin' else at all to do
Only jes' a-wishin' you
Wuz a-gittin' there like me,
And June wuz eternity!

Lay out there and try to see
Jes' how lazy you kin be! --
Tumble round and souse yer head
In the clover-bloom, er pull
Yer straw hat acrost yer eyes
And peek through it at the skies,
Thinkin' of old chums 'ats dead,
Maybe, smilin' back at you
In betwixt the beautiful
Clouds o'gold and white and blue! --
Month a man kin railly love --
June, you know, I'm talkin' of!

March ain't never nothin' new! --
April's altogether too
Brash fer me! and May -- I jes'
'Bominate its promises, --
Little hints o' sunshine and
Green around the timber-land --
A few blossoms, and a few
Chip-birds, and a sprout er two, --
Drap asleep, and it turns in
Fore daylight and snows ag'in! --
But when June comes - Clear my th'oat
With wild honey! -- Rench my hair
In the dew! And hold my coat!
Whoop out loud! And th'ow my hat! --
June wants me, and I'm to spare!
Spread them shadders anywhere,
I'll get down and waller there,
And obleeged to you at that!

smelly

2010-06-04T09:00:00.004-04:00

"The process of mining aluminum used in antiperspirants destroys the landscape, pollutes water, and consumes vast amounts of electricity.
According to Lester Brown’s Eco-Economy: Building an Economy for the Earth (Norton,2000), each year the aluminum industry consumes as much electricity as the entire continent of Africa."

I wonder what the exact numbers for that is. I read somewhere that you only need 2 swipes of antiperspirant, but when I used to wear antiperspirant I would rub it on like mildew was forming under there. I didn't know how much you need or didn't need.

Of course, the destruction from mining aluminum is only aside from the negative effect of aluminum in the waterways when we wash it off and aluminum and other sulfates on our skin.

So, I ask you. What to do? I was going with a baking soda deodorant (just powder a little bit on while you are still damp after your shower), and then I found the fantastic deodorant from the Rocky Mountain store (in BC! on Granville St.! Take advantage of it!). But now it is SO humid here in Montreal and I don't know what to do. I hate being stinky and I hate feeling sweaty under my arms. Actually, I noticed that I stink less than when I was a meat eater. Neat, eh?

Anyway, still. Not sure what to do. Haven't found anything that is really safe that also prevents perspiring in your underarms (and no, it's not the lack of perspiring that's harmful, it's what they use to plug the pores). I heard about coconut oil once. Will do more research and get back to you.

new links

2010-06-03T23:31:00.000-04:00

I added some new links today, you should check em out.

airbnb vacation rentals you can search up a location and find a room or house to rent there. they feature some really bizarre and amazing things, and frequently very affordable too. a girl can dream, right?

ancient faith radio

cbc online radio

earth conservation plan find your carbon footprint and then get a list of specific things to pledge to lower your carbon load. it shows you in tonnes how much you decrease over a certain period, which is kinda inspiring

fresh365 vegetarian recipes

green living ideas

natural, homemade, non-toxic alternatives to household chemicals

nhl hockey schedule

personal development for smart people this guy has so many crazy posts. some of my favourites are:

10 reasons you should never get a job
How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes
How to become an early riser

save.ca coupons they send them to you for free!

simple marriage blog about marriage ideas, tips, wisdom etc.

study hacks blog about study hacks

tripadvisor tips for places to go, things to do, places to eat at, hotels to stay in and so on for pretty much every city in the world, suggestions added by users

zen habits a productivity and minimalistic blog

what does it mean to live earnestly? who do you know that lives earnestly?

2010-06-03T13:54:00.001-04:00

(rose bush in Pointe Claire, Quebec, May 2010)

“The secret of health for both mind and body
is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles,
but to live in the present moment
wisely and earnestly.”
― Buddha

more than just 2 sides

2010-06-01T17:02:00.002-04:00

Sure, this is from a while ago, but the issue is still very emotional and crucial. Listen through the shouting, Julie has some great points.

Bullshit aside, I have to say the most fundamental problem here, is probably the fact that these people are continually condemning others without considering that they have no idea what is going on in the hearts of others. How in the world can she know whether she is talking to a saint, and thereby condemning herself? The self-righteousness of these people is horrifying.

It's a very curious thing, because in these people's minds, they are convinced that God has put them here to help bring it up in the minds of others what they are doing wrong. Unfortunately this helps no one do anything good.

Sure, Jesus Christ was a revolutionary, and so were many martyrs, but this behaviour is DRIVEN by the attention they get. It's so bizarre to see her grinning away on there. On her side, she believes she is turning the other cheek, enduring fire and being persecuted for her faith. On the other side, she is not listening, remaining ignorant, and being generally toxic.

It is one thing to have this sort of thing go on and be mad about it. When you are a family member of someone who fought in the war and died however, it is brought to a whole new level. Then you end up with mobs that want to kill these picketing people. We can't have that either. I can't imagine how painful it would be though, if my husband returned from war, dead, having fought for the safety of America, and these women were out there screaming at me. I would probably lose it. Lord have mercy on me!

I am frightened by these people, and frightened by those on the other side too. When it comes down to it, we are all humans very easily capable of so much destruction and pain. Lord grant us the peace of mind that we can see truth!

A kind of love we don't usually talk about

2010-05-30T18:36:00.000-04:00

First of all, I need to apologize for not updating. Things have been very busy for me lately and I haven't had the time to update regularly or even take pictures regularly (or sleep or bathe or eat...) But I am getting things under control again so hopefully you can anticipate some good stuff soon.

Today I want to share with you this clip that I keep coming across in various places on the internet. I haven't seen the movie yet, but it is in my ziplist on zip.ca. This short portion is what made me want to see it. Of course, some people don't have problems with this kind of love, some people are too ready to accept themselves, but others are not, and that turns into a reverse kind of pride that is very toxic. Anyway, watch the video, it makes me tear up when I really put myself into it.

dance anyway

2010-05-18T12:30:00.002-04:00

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re

here we should dance.” ― Author Unknown

(Frans Lanting Photography, via International League of Conservation Photographers)

2010-05-17T16:22:00.002-04:00

“I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.” ― Anna Quindlen

ahhh this comic is so adorable

2010-05-14T12:17:00.004-04:00

duh diet: day 3

2010-05-14T12:15:00.000-04:00

So I have made a modification to the diet: I am not counting calories at present. Over eating isn't really a problem for me except for sweet foods, and those are off the list anyway. What I have been doing in that realm is when I eat a meal, I give myself a smaller portion than I think I want to eat, and then I wait a while and ask myself if I really am hungry for more. It is almost always a resounding no, except last night when I had sushi.

The reason I'm not counting calories is A) I'd rather be concerned with focusing on eating healthy food like whole grains and so on and what vitamins I need and B) (this is the biggest reason actually), I haven't really been able to work out for very long since I've been too tired. Maybe I should stick it out a bit longer, but I think that because I've got my intense German course going on right now (plus getting up early for it) plus working out, I need to keep my energy up, since that fat doesn't just burn off in a jiffy to be used for energy (I'd like to make some modifications to my body's way of thinking actually, like, instead of having coffee, why not use a little bit of belly flab for energy in the morning?? Let's petition on this. Contact me if you're interested.)

Other than that, so far so good! I had a beer yesterday, Rickard's Red, the only kind I can stand... I don't know where that stands on the diet, I think I'll limit it to one alcoholic beverage a week since they are so high in calories.

And now a message from Otto: l,lo;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;34iuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuubv2 n9w9wa=[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

The Cyberiad - Stanislaw Lem

2010-05-12T20:48:00.004-04:00

this summer I'm going to try to read a book a week. I have a stack of books that I own but have not read, so I'd like to get those finished!

this week I finished The Cyberiad, by Stanislaw Lem. it was a unique and droll collection of tales (like the Iliad) about two Great Inventors living in a futuristic setting and the galactic journeys and people (or things) they meet, the troubles they get into. they are frequently commissioned to build things for people, but then have to come to terms with the consequences. in one of the final tales, a powder is made that will cause any person near the drugged person to feel what the drugged person feels. therefore, if the drugged person is in pain, the other people will rush to help him, as they will feel pain too. or if someone feels happy, those around him will feel happy. incidentally all the powder is dropped in a stream of drinking water, causing an entire city to feel whatever the neighbour feels. this ends up with dastard results, as a person with a toothache is attacked and has all his teeth pulled about by an angry mob so they can stop aching. a woman whose husband died feels so much grief that her neighbours drive her out of the town so they can stop feeling so miserable and so on and so forth until the whole planet is destroyed.

there are a gazillion tales like this and the images are so fanciful and creative and fascinating that it could even be made into a children's book. it's inspired me to do some watercolour renditions of certain scenes.

spiky cats, paw bricks, sun-happy, delightful studies, scuba friends, im der Park, good reads, piano fingers, gems, sparkle dude including one picture i did not take (guess which one!)

2010-05-11T20:37:00.005-04:00

(this paw bricks photo is the one that earned the tag "magic")

calvin and hobbes, poetry anthology, hopkins, ralph's coffee and jazz, mary oliver, t.s. eliot, rilke, karamzov, under milkwood (dylan thomas), little women, the wind in the willows, notes from the underground, murder in the cathedral, at the back of the north wind, thomas wingfold, gros-câlin, time traveler's wife, under the mercy, anatomy of melancholy, private memoirs and confessions of a justified sinner, field notes from a catastrophe.

the duh diet

2010-05-11T12:46:00.001-04:00

I was reading earlier today that someone joined up with some friends to do a "duh" diet together, holding each other accountable. Their punishment for cheating on the diet was:
I understand that my punishment if I cheat is the following:
I will post on my Facebook page my weight and a photograph of myself wearing only running shorts and sports bra AND proclaim that I cheated on my diet. Both shall remain posted for 3 days!

Haha! Anyway, so I decided to go on a small diet to get rid of the few extra pounds I gained over this semester of tough school times and trying to eat vegetarian, and mostly eating carbs (which is vegetarian, but not healthy).

So I am going to tell you about my diet plan and then review it here on my blog.

DUH DIET CONTRACT
for the period of May 11, 2010 through June 11, 2010

I, Natalia, being of somewhat sound mind, promise to do the following:

I will not drink any coffee

I will not eat any sweets or treats

I will not eat after 8pm

I will eat no more than 1500 calories a day

I will learn a new healthy recipe each week

I will exercise 4 times a week, 45 minutes per session

I understand that my punishment if I cheat is the following:

I will have my computer taken away, to be used only for my German homework and email once a day (Stephen will help me with this one) AND I will also relinquish my OPUS (transit) pass for one week, thereby having to walk everywhere I need to go (except church, because it is far away).

butterfly shoes

2010-05-04T15:53:00.002-04:00

I had to post this one separately. These pictures tell a story of their own. (Took these at the botanical garden)

last week in photos

2010-05-04T15:22:00.012-04:00

Sorry I didn't update last week. I was finishing exams. Also I didn't take as many pictures in the last 2 weeks. But here's what I do have! Stephen and I visited the botanical garden 2 weekends ago, and there was lots of opportunity there.

I'm trying to be more choosy about which ones to post, only posting the best. But some of them I like not because they are good photographs per se, but because of what was going on when I took them, or some other emotional or cognitive reason.

How do you think I should present these? With a blurb about each one, or just let you deal with them as they are?

Montreal and its dirty side

2010-05-04T14:12:00.000-04:00

It's been an issue ever since I moved here, but because of the warming summer months I am dealing more and more frequently with drunk and homeless people hanging around outside my apartment. I am right across the street from an abandoned, but historical building. I didn't realize it when I moved here, not knowing Montreal very well, but this is a location which homeless and poor people frequent, partially due to the lack of businesses in the abandoned building across the street, but also the nearby women's shelter, and the cheap little depanneur that gladly sells alcohol to anyone, even if you are totally bonkers.

Anyway, it's been getting to the point where sometimes I can't even leave my apartment right away because a group of them will be outside, and they are locals, so they recognize me and make comments and so on, and I find it disturbing and distressing. I call the police on average once a day, maybe every other day. It's stressful and burdensome. I would like to be coming in and out, biking and rollerblading and coming in to get picnic stuff etc. etc. but I just try to stay out if I'm out or in if I'm in, unless I have someone to arrive or leave with.

Have you ever dealt with these issues, or with drunken people? It's so awkward and frustrating. Any tips?

2010-04-30T22:31:00.003-04:00

this made me tear up a bit for some reason. i can't wait to have my own pregnant belly to dance with i guess.

Duet from Robin Cantrell on Vimeo.
(via cup of jo)

2010-04-30T13:01:00.001-04:00

“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.” ― George Lorimer

update + photos

2010-04-22T12:33:00.004-04:00

Hi everyone! I haven't been diligently posting my photos. It just isn't convenient to upload them everyday, esp. since some days I don't even check my email. So I will upload them every weekend, okie dokie?

Here are the photos from this past while!!

Otto found the catnip container

Stephen found the monster container

see that blurry black figure under the tree on the right? that's stephen. the overpass arches are big here.

road to the edge of the world. and stephen.

the buildings are tall here. taller than stephen.

Carbon Offsets

2010-04-19T16:13:00.000-04:00

It's time guys. It's time to do the right thing. I have just signed myself up for monthly payments of carbon offsets for both Stephen and I (we have been sharing payments for internet, zip, and now carbon offsets).

We're on the house plan here at LivClean.

They do a good job of explaining carbon offsets here.

What do you guys do to conserve energy and limit your carbon production? Any tips or ideas you'd like to share?

6/365

2010-04-19T14:56:00.001-04:00

I forgot to post yesterday's picture. This was church yesterday. It's a terrible picture, but I like how the gold leaf around the saints' heads all stand out, despite the bad exposure. Bright lights in darkness.

have you heard?

2010-04-17T22:37:00.002-04:00

"The General Specific" by Band of Horses. A fun song...
This is the best audio version I could find on youtube... though I don't know what's with the video. Anyway, enjoy!

If the trials at hand are really getting you down:
We had a close call,
I didn't even see it, then another one,
And I hardly believed it at all.

What the writers say, it means shit to me now,
Plants and animals,
We're on a bender when it's 80 degrees at the end of December,
What's going on?
Only for you and me.

In a showing of hands, who's going back to the south?
Where hungry necks that I know
In running the blender in a lightning storm
Are disguised as a blessing, I'm sure.

And knowing ahead, there comes a fork in the road,
Pants have got to go.
We're on an island on the Fourth of July,
It looks like the tide is going home.

In time, I'd find a little way to your heart,
Down to the general store for nothing specific,
Gonna wash my bones in the Atlantic shore,
Only for you and me.

5/365

2010-04-17T22:19:00.000-04:00

On my way to work if I take the bus and not the train (it's wayyy out in the suburbs) I get to go past this lake, and my favourite part is seeing the tall bird condominium. It's always full and the birds are busy going in and out. I wonder if they switch spots or vote on who gets the lakeside view.

4/365

2010-04-16T20:01:00.007-04:00

The days are going by so quickly! I am hardly having the chance to appreciate that it's spring! Today it is rainy though, which lends itself well to my studying and keeping from being distracted. Unfortunately it meant I had to take a photo indoors, and because I didn't feel like setting anything up I thought I would just do some more "my life" shots. So here is the fishtank. I bought fish for Otto so he would have something fun to watch inside when I am not home to play with him. He also named them. There used to be four and they were, Mao, the Mo's and Wink. Now they are just Mao, Mo and Wink because one of the Mo's died.

Each week when I clean out the fish tank I like to change their decor. It's like an underwater garden, or an aquatic home remodel. This past week the theme was "reflection" and I used shards of mirror from the mirror Otto broke recently.

crappy photo quality again... sorry. anyone have any tips or help??

Napkin Folding

2010-04-16T18:47:00.001-04:00

I just enjoyed this article about French Napkin Folding etiquette. It's a sweet and cozy reminder that in some parts of the world, community and friendship is a lot more important (or maybe I'm just in denial from being cooped up trying to concentrate on papers and finals).

Anything about housekeeping and orderliness just sends my heart a-flutter, too. Oh the day when my dinner napkins will have their own basket, not just crammed next to the tea towels... *sigh*

3/365

2010-04-15T23:37:00.000-04:00

First day of exams! I don't know how I hadn't seen this little cherry tree before, but it looked so bizarrely out of place. Everything in the city is grey, there is still no green on the trees, but zing! Here is this full cherry tree. It looked like someone had just planted it there today, but it's definitely been there for a while, it looks like a bonsai, all twisted and gnarly.

P.S. WHY ARE MY PHOTOS UPLOADING IN SUCH CRAPPY RESOLUTION? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY TIPS ON WHAT TO DO?? I am even now trying to upload them onto photobucket.com and then post here, but still no cigar... actually this one worked out okay, but look at the last one! yuck!

gruesome twosome

2010-04-14T20:41:00.003-04:00

There still is no greenery outside... actually I shouldn't say that, there are finally some minute green buds on the trees outside my window. So S and I took haven last week in the greenhouse attached to the library, and they had changed the front room around to include TONS of tulips and also daffodils, hyacinths and hydrangeas. Of course, it's during finals so I look super frumpy and Stephen looks like someone shot him in the head.

2/365

2010-04-14T20:35:00.000-04:00

Today was the last day of classes! If you look closely you can see zillions of students lounging around in the sun on the lower field. We've had some fantastic weather lately, and it is propelling us through the exams...

project 365: 1/365

2010-04-13T01:00:00.000-04:00

I'm going to try "project 365"... taking a photo each day. I will try to upload the photos as frequently as possible so I can stay accountable and see my progress. There are no other rules than that... just one photo a day. Should be fun!

Here is today!

I know this is not artsy AT ALL, but I just wanted to take a photo of my nightstand. Nightstands say a lot about a person. Mine is pretty sparse right now, no books because I am trying not to distract myself while working on papers. On top is a vessel of lavender, a photo of my parents, a little light, a coaster that I stole from my parents' house, and my glasses case. First shelf has some cards with yoga poses, a list of things I'd like to buy when I get the money, and a head massager that is sort of invisible. Second shelf holds a bottle of lotion and 3 bottles of water in case (yes, I am crazy) there is an earthquake and I am stuck on that side of the room and can't get out for a while and need water. Beside the stand are two dumbells I use in the morning, and above is a quote from Dante I framed: "Love that moves the sun and other stars".

2010-04-07T17:02:00.000-04:00

What is success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
That is to have succeeded.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

fortunate

2010-03-29T16:24:00.000-04:00

I collect fortunes from when I eat Chinese food.

Have you ever gotten some funny ones?

Click the picture to go to the museum of weird fortune cookie fortunes.

2010-03-23T21:47:00.001-04:00

i need

2010-03-22T16:05:00.001-04:00

some bubble blowing mix

more than one reason to get up in the morning

a purring cat beside me

snail mail

real ice cream, come Pascha

more and more and MORE flowers!

(that would be the bees pyjamas, as S would say)

new favourite band

2010-03-18T10:51:00.003-04:00

Pomplamoose

"If You Think You Need Some Lovin'": mp3: http://www.myspace.com/pomplamoosemusic

written and produced by Pomplamoose

Lyrics:
If you think i'll give you money, well honey that's just funny cuz i got none. No money, ain't got no money. If you just want conversation go somewhere in the nation, not my house. But if you think you need some lovin, that's fine. Cuz if you think you need some money, well you can't have mine, and if you want some conversation try a pickup line. But if you think you need some lovin, that's fine.

If you think you need a shrink, you're draining down the sink, go take a hike. Ain't got no time for your baggage. If you think you need a fix, don't put me in the mix, just stick to wine. Whine, wine, whine, wine, whine, wine. But if you think you need some lovin, that's fine. Cuz if you think you need a shrink, well I'm out of time. And if you think you need a fix, I'm not the fixing kind. But if you think you need some lovin, that's fine.

2010-03-16T11:15:00.000-04:00

The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner - James Hogg

2010-03-15T23:01:00.001-04:00

“To the wicked, all things are wicked; but to the just, all things are just and right... How delightful to think that a justified person can do no wrong!”

A novel I have just finished for my Romantics class. Its genre is Gothic, historical, psychological, and religious satire -- you can't separate any of them!

James Hogg published it in 1824 in Scotland. The novel discusses a sect of Calvinism known as Antinomianism, whose members believed that not only were there the predestined "elect" who went to heaven, and the predestined "reprobate" who went to hell, but also that they, as the elect, did not have to confine themselves to any moral law because they were already predestined to go to heaven, and thereby were solely under grace, not under the law.

The novel plays highly with a particular psychological idea of the "double" discussed by those such as Sigmund Freud and Alex Woloch. The double is a figure who is very alike the original in many ways (whether by physical appearance, personality or both), but serves as a sort of foil to the original in different ways. This figure is most obvious in the character Gil-Martin who is the double to Robert who is the infamous Antinomian in the novel and who murders several people on account of it. The pyschological effect on him and on others in the novel due to the double character is extremely fascinating.

"What was my astonishment, on perceiving that he was the same being as myself!

One interesting feature of the novel is that it is split into parts, the two main parts being the "editor's narrative" in which the "editor" of the main memoir writes his account of the events as he has researched it, and then the main character's account which is the actual "memoir". Therefore we get two sides to the curious and bizarre tale. The final section is an account of the main character's remains being unearthed and the confessions discovered.

The novel is considered under the "fantastic" genre, as defined by Tvetan Todorov which outlines it as such: that it is a world which is our world, without "fantasy creatures" like vampires, but events occur ("fantastic" events) that cannot be explained by our same familiar world. There are two possibilities, that the characters are victims of imagination or madness (or some rational explanation) OR indeed the devil is there, precisely like other beings, but encountered infrequently and only for the purpose he is used in the novel. As long as the uncertainty remains, it is considered a "fantastic" novel.

"Either I had a second self, who transacted business in my likeness, or else my body was at times possessed by a spirit over which it had no controul,[sic.] and of whose actions my own soul was wholly unconscious."

And certainly, the uncertain remains. It is a very interesting and curious novel for many many different reasons therefore, particularly the nature of the double and the implications it takes on this particularly zealous member of a fanatical sect of Christianity.

5 important musicians/groups

2010-03-15T22:35:00.000-04:00

Belle and Sebastian
Patrick Watson
Howard Shore
Smash Mouth
Liam Clancy

name me 5.

i really want to

2010-03-15T22:33:00.001-04:00

keep bees

publish somethings

sell my art

always have flowers

try graphic design

get a minor in enviromental science

graduate already!!!

sing for someone

love going to church again

see spring

visit the maritimes

stop inhibiting myself from what i would like to do based on presumed thoughts that other's will think of me

let's go bother snape!

2010-03-13T23:23:00.002-05:00

Stephen just showed me this hilarioso site, UnrelatedCaptions.com. It's exactly what it sounds like.

Lent and "if life is really as short as they say" then why deprive ourselves?

2010-03-10T20:04:00.001-05:00

This is another response I had on an Orthodox forum to someone. I asked how everyone was doing dealing with Great Lent. Their initial post was:

"Going back to the OP, Lent isn't going that great, when I actually follow it any way. All I keep asking myself is why am I depriving myself? Life is short, enjoy it while you can."

Someone responded wisely:
"I think, in time, you will find that abundance constricts and smothers the soul. Fasting and asceticism will eventually uncover who you really are, though you will be the only one able to see this as it is an internal revelation. Give it time, and self-denial will become a joy. It just takes time and perseverance until the good done by fasting becomes apparent."

And I responded:
"_______ had some worthy comments to that, but he forgot to mention something very important. Life is NOT short. You are thinking about time spent on earth-- and this earthly time is so minute compared to what we will have soon.
I'm pretty sure that if you have the chance to look back from heaven and see this earth and what you did on it "enjoying" yourself, compared to heaven, will be the last thing that comes to mind. "...thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life." 1 Tim. 6:19
The true scope of life is not limited to what is only here; here where there is decay and death.

So store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matt: 6:20

An excellent movie that illustrates this point is "Babette's Feast". I highly recommend it, it is one of my favourites and is an excellently rated film."

to comfort myself

2010-02-21T23:50:00.003-05:00

There are a few things I do (positive things, not destructive ones) that I can think of right now:

1. I listen to classical music, it is somehow really gentle on my spirit since it has no words. Somehow classical music specifically helps me hold myself together and remember there are higher, hopeful things to hold on to.

2. I listen to worship music that is soothing and gentle, that helps me imagine God caring for me gently as I work through the hard pain

3. I journal, about my day, about things I'm proud of about me, about things I truly do appreciate that are affecting my life right now, and also about the things that are getting me down and how they make me feel

4. I look on etsy.com, a site for people to sell handmade things. I feel hopeful and happy seeing beautiful things that people create and it helps me get back in touch with my creative side and feel hopeful.

5. I play with my cat and water my plants. Tending to things helps me feel like I am contributing some beauty to the world, and that gives me purpose and helps me feel not so miserable and useless.

6. I make a plan, even if I'm not able to go through with it just yet, about where I'd like to go, what I'd like to do, what I'd really like to change. Just seeing it out like that is helpful sometimes

7. I do visualization. My boyfriend will talk me through and I will close my eyes and he will set up a scene (a quiet island, a country garden) and ask me what I see and hear, have me describe where I want to go and what's down that direction... This has been so relaxing for me, it is like lucid dreaming, but the wonderful thing is that I am sharing the place with my best friend, so it feels like a peaceful beautiful dream that I am not at all alone in.

8. I call my Dad and cry for a minute and he just loves me and encourages me and reminds me of the Lord's ultimate loving care over me.

9. I listen to the Lord of the Ring soundtrack. Somehow I just find it really compelling and motivating. I like to listen to it when I clean my apartment too or have to do work.

10. I buy some flowers. They are so cheery and uplifting and shine some breathing space into my gloom that helps me make more and more space in myself to see other beautiful things in my life and in others' lives.

11. I think about gentle moments with my Mom, being cuddled, drinking tea with her, listening to music, driving places with her.

12. Crying can be good sometimes, but more often it leaves me feeling worse. Sometimes though, I have to get through the crying until I realize, well, there's nothing left to cry about, I have no more tears, I might as well get up, take a shower, and go about my day.

13. Cuddling my cat, stuffed animals, and snuggling under the covers and taking a longgg nap is another good one.

14. And reading, some kind of fiction or non-fiction I can throw myself into. Hopefully something I find inspiring that helps me put a new perspective on my life, if only for that day.

Re: Twilight

2010-02-21T12:26:00.002-05:00

I just wrote this as a post on a Christian forum:

I am currently reading the Twilight books, or... well, I just read the first two.

If I had known any better, I would've stayed away from them. I'm 20 years old, and I find them very depressing and disturbing and a form of chick-porn. Bella is easy to identify with because her character is so vague... this is why it is so dangerous for girls to read them... it's so easy to want to make yourself feel like her, and when she gets the attention she does from such a "beautiful" and "god-like" creature as Edward the vampire.

In the first book, it is not as harmful, but still quite bad: it's true she is very dependent on Edward, but the problem is exacerbated when you think about how she is willing to lose all of her friends and completely become absorbed in him, losing all other parts of her life (not that there was anything substantial there in the first place).

I find the second book to be much worse, and here is why I do not think any teen (or even me in this case) should read them:
1. Bella is depressed, zombie-like, masochistic, and self-harming (not to mention selfish as she puts herself in danger constantly, despite her parents and her couple friends that care about her). This is because Edward leaves. THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOUR SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED OR TOLERATED OR ENCOURAGED BASED ON INFATUATION!!!! I deal with depression and it is a terrible, evil thing. I KNOW what it's like to go through similar things as this, and it cannot be made into a fairy-tale and seem okay because there's so much romance. Getting caught up in romance can lead to awful things if you don't keep your wits about you... especially if you're as emotional as me, or as hormonal as a teenager!!!

2.Bella wants to become a vampire even though she knows that there is a possibility that her soul will be "condemned to eternal damnation". There is not a lot of discussion about this, but the idea recurs many times, and she continually argues with Edward that she doesn't care about her own soul and is more than willing to become a vampire despite the possibility of, when she does die, going to hell.

3.And yeah, Stephanie Meyer (author) may be a Mormon and therefore doesn't insert any sexual intercourse within the novel, and sure the kissing scenes are sparse... but the obvious problem is that Edward is a vampire, he desires her blood. And obviously Bella is extremely desirous of him too. The lust that emanates from this is so sickening... Also, sex is not the real problem, it's the fact that they are not actually loving, caring individuals... they are obsessive, horny, selfish, mopey, hormonal (yes, even a vampire over 100 years old can apparently be hormonal over a 17 year old girl), and with no regard for wisdom or the future.

THESE ARE TERRIBLE MODELS AND IMAGES TO PUT IN ANYONE'S BRAIN!!!!!!!
If you don't want your young son to play violent video games for fear of it callousing them, you won't want your young daughter to read this books for fear of what it will callous them with emotionally, not just in terms of romance and self-esteem etc. etc. but in terms of their soul.

And when all that is said and down, if there is no other reason not to read these books, it is that they are a waste of time. If there is nothing edifying in them (let alone destructive), it is wrong to spend 12 hours reading them.
If we live, it's to honor the Lord. And if we die, it's to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Romans 14:8

food! glorious food!

2010-02-16T23:39:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to share a website I just discovered with you all. Handy resource for Lenten meal planning...

ask me anything

2010-02-16T19:47:00.000-05:00

Come to my formspring and ask me any question....

mont royal

2010-02-12T11:42:00.001-05:00

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." — Robert A. Heinlein

mad trapper of rat river

2010-02-04T12:07:00.002-05:00

I didn't know about this story until Stephen showed it to me on badass of the week. Hilarious narrative of his exploits here: http://www.badassoftheweek.com/albertjohnson.html

teeny and grand gardening

2010-01-29T18:03:00.000-05:00

"If you want to be happy for a day - drink a bottle of wine. If you want to be happy for a month - find your self a woman. If you want to be happy for all your life - make yourself a garden." Chinese adage.

I miss having a garden to walk about in. I miss being able to go out and plant things wherever, and having absolutely no fear that there won't be enough light. It wasn't so bad in my first apartment here in Montreal, as I had a balcony with great lighting... and it was summer. Now I have a dreadful, skinny little window, a balcony covered in snow, and a window in the bathroom around which it is nigh impossible to put plants up.

Green life is a craving for me! Quite possibly because my mum had lots of houseplants about our house, and it softens and enlivens one's home. For me, I can't get enough! I can imagine myself an old crone with gazillions of plants so that her house is like a jungle, with many cats running through à la wild cat.

Anyway, one wonderful joy I have found is in growing GREEN ONIONS on my window sill. My Chinese previous roommate showed me you could do this, simply by using the green onions you get from the grocery store, cutting off what you need, leaving a little green still showing, and planting the roots. They grow back so quickly, you'll have enough green onions for another meal in about 3 or 4 days! I haven't bought onions for weeks now, it's lovely! And so absolutely satisfying to be growing it myself. Sheng, my roommate, said you'll have to replace them after a while, as they tire out, but apparently not for at least a month!

Taking care of the earth is such an important tenet of Christian faith that is so easily overlooked. This is something I became more aware of when the professor for my Eastern Orthodox course this summer discussed his own views and extensive studies in Eco-Theology. It has become a subject of fascination for me, and a source of conviction too.

I find it convicting because I often live my life not just without regard to those people around me, but also the very creation that bears my existence: grains, trees, worms, cows, comforting cats and startling birds. As Christians we must be extremely aware of our station among other created beings, because this is where we find our grounding: amidst creation to bring glory to God.

My mind gets so inflated with expectations and fears and guilt about how I treat people and all the sins of omission (let alone co-mission) I ignorantly and selfishly involve myself in. That's why I find it so refreshing, especially during my journey over the past year or so with a formal meditation practice, to consider this partnership scheme of the world, in which I am deeply interwoven -- dependent and depended upon -- with creation, and thereby find a great deal of my purpose in life: to be dependent and depended upon.

One of my favourite quotes over the past year has been "If you want to learn how to love, start with plants and animals; they are easier" (Buddha).

i absolutely adore this hobbit house

2010-01-22T01:04:00.002-05:00

and i also really appreciate the ideas that the welsh guy who built the house adds some things he wants his family to work on. it's kinda nice to just peruse his ideas.

Some Things We Can Do...
Consumption
* Avoid buying newly manufactured things, instead buy second hand or make our own.
* Avoid large chain stores and supermarkets.
* Buy things from small and local businesses.
* Favour worker cooperatives over corporations.
* Wherever possible buy direct from producers.
* Support local currencies.
* Trade or give gifts in preference to using money.
Communities
* Smile at people and meet their eyes.
* Give open-minded/hearted time to those people around us.
* Organise parties and celebrations (eg. a dinner party where everyone brings a homemade dish or a childrens party where each parent organises a game)
* Organise rotating work parties and skill-sharing events.
* Vision together the future of our communities and make it happen by a combination of negotiations with local councils and direct action. (If you think that unused roadside could make a good veg garden then get some friends together and just go ahead and do it)
Food And Land
* Propagate and plant edible perennial plants wherever possible on any available land.
* Learn how to grow food and save seeds.
* Set up personal and community food growing.
* Stick to seasonal, local and organic foods.
* Eat meat in moderation.
* Have a go at making bread, preserving food, making cheese, brewing etc..
* Enjoy cooking and eating good food. Treat our food with reverence.
* Learn what wild plants grow in our areas and learn how to use them for food and medicine.
* Protect and encourage biodiversity and wild areas (eg. a small wild patch at the bottom of your garden could be a haven for birds and small animals).
* Make a pond.
Energy
* Use wood (biomass) for heating. Install wood burners. Take firewood from the waste stream and plant local or personal firewood supplies. In a climate like Britain's, short rotation coppice crops such as willow can be fully productive in 3 years and a 30 x 50m area can heat an efficient family house.
* Heat water with wood and solar energy. (A solar water heater can easily be made from scrap materials in a day or two.)
* Use renewable electricity. Switch mains connections to suppliers who only deal in renewable energy.
* Set up and use local or personal energy production systems. Small scale hydroelectric systems in particular offer simply maintained systems with high and reliable returns for the amount of invested energy.
* Practice basic woodwork, metalwork etc to make and repair basic items and tools.
* Compost food and human waste to build soil fertility and reduce energy demands of waste disposal.
Lifestyle
* Withdraw investment from houses. Move to a cheaper home or make our own (most cheaply done without permission).
* Work less.
* This will free up time and energy to develop sustainable ways of living as well as removing support from destructive systems.
* Do not take employment from organisations which are unsustainable or whos actions are not benefiting the world.
* Maximise our autonomy from state and corporate control structures.
* Move from urban to rural areas and start working some land.
Consideration
* Consider what elements of our world and society are of greatest value to us (air, water, food supplies, medicines...?)
* Consider what elements /service / products we could happily do without (war, this year's fashion, more DVDs, a bigger car...?)
* Be aware that the more we have of the latter, the more we threaten the former.
* Whenever we spend money or play an active role in society, take time to consider the consequences of our actions. (Buying a tank of fuel supports the violent occupation of the middle east, buying cheap clothes supports sweatshops and child labour, buying from transnational corporations funds the extraction of capital from poorer countries and the erosion of human rights)
* Consider our modern world from the point of view of our ancesters.
* Count our blessings.
* Appreciate the beauty and fragility of life, human and otherwise.
* Make time to appreciate and congratulate ourselves - we are all amazing and powerful beings.
* Smile, laugh, love and dream. Be present and don't worry.

cross country skiing this weekend

2010-01-12T12:15:00.002-05:00

2. simplify

2010-01-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

bagged some clothes to get rid of.

also, sorted my linens and stored the ones i'm not using currently. i like to have things on rotation so that it feels like i have something new and fresh when i switch them around.

put some order to my new planner... i added in some (quirky) holidays i'd like to celebrate this year.
national bird feeding month (february)
world day of prayer (march 5)
swallows return to san juan capistrano day (march 19)
battle at bannockburn in 1314 (june 24)
george macdonald's birthday in 1824 (december 10)

and so on..

2 new year's resolutions

2010-01-12T12:04:00.002-05:00

Only 2.

1. strengthen my social network (emphasis on montreal)

2. simplify

Natalia is a city in Medina County, Texas, United States.

2010-01-06T18:49:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time, dear blog world. Who are you out there anyway? I'm going to pretend that I have a few followers all over the world. That makes it feel more worth writing.

Today, in light of how I feel all discombobulated (what a bizarre word, you can make a lot of words out of that one... in fact, I will send 2 postcards to the commenter that has the "best" word made out of those, you can't repeat letters if they aren't repeated in that word). Anyway, I feel all discombobulated because I've been sleeping very irregularly due to a small furry mammal that likes to play all kinds of games with me in the middle of the night. One of these games is, how many places can I tumble off my human owner and still land comfortably in a position in which she can pet me. Another is, now I bring my spring toy up to you, thrash around, carry it onto the ground, speed around chasing it, bring it back up to you, thrash around, carry it to the ground, speed around chasing it, bring it back up to you, thrash around.....

And this has somewhat indirectly led me to contemplate a vlog. Here's one exhibit of my vlogging skills.
EXHIBIT A:

gotta watch this.

2010-01-05T01:45:00.002-05:00

argh!

2009-12-21T04:12:00.002-05:00

what are the best ways to prevent/fight procrastination?

2009-12-17T21:02:00.000-05:00

hi!
it's been a long time since I've updated. I'm at my parents' home now, and I'm here with my little Otto, who is not a big hit with my parents' cat, Poppy. he was a fantastic traveler though, and a mini celebrity on both flights. he was super glad to get out of his cooped up little carrier after about 11 hours in it. I have a few tips for those flying with cats. first, get some drowsy medication from the vet, it is miraculous and really calms them down. next, pack a container you can pour water in, to keep him hydrated, a little dry cat food and treats, and a small box that you can fold flat, and then line with a plastic bag and add a little litter --so you can let him use it during a layover. the secret to that part is to put a harness on him before you leave, so that you can attach a makeshift (or real) leash on him, so he can stretch during the layover, and safely use the litterbox. Otto didn't need his litterbox because he didn't eat or drink much at all the whole day (I didn't feed him before we left because I didn't want him to get sick, and I only gave him a wee bit of food at intervals throughout the day). I think cats are pretty good at holding it until they "get home". still, better safe than sorry!

mum and I picked up a Christmas tree today from Potter's, a garden store that doubles as a garden/home kitsch store. I got an enormous headache from wandering around in so many aisles of ornaments. my headache was probably also partially due to the vivid -- I kid you not -- neon green and pink Christmas trees that were for sale (and quite marked down in price for some reason). I tried to talk mum into getting a potted tree this year, but she really loves the tradition of a live, cut tree (the potted ones were mostly so small, too), and it would be inconvenient, she felt during the rest of the year. mum has few traditions that she is willing to be inflexible on, and this is one of those few, so I can respect that. back home in Montreal (yep, it feels like my home now), my Christmas tree was a couple of bare tree branches decorated with my flashiest jewelery. probably the most glamorous Christmas tree you've ever seen.

time for a fire in the fireplace!

wishing you warmly all the best things of this cozy season,

me

it's not so long since you were flying high

2009-12-06T21:46:00.002-05:00

updates as soon as my papers are done!

so there!

2009-11-25T13:23:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the cynicism Tavia, however I would like you to know that not only do I fully intend on completing my list, I am already a good way through it, and still with 20 some days left to go.

SO FAR!!!... (numbers associate to list)

1. I chose a poem and have started working on memorizing it

2. I have chosen the location for salsa lessons, but won't be starting until January

3. This Sunday I go to figure drawing class

7. I gave away something I love

8. Tomorrow I have my plan for "do something risky"

9. I bought a piano and it will be delivered tomorrow!!!

12. I have (tentatively) planned next year's trips

13. I bought the belt I've been coveting but was telling myself for a whole year was too expensive for me to buy

14. I have been expressing my love to my parents in this new sort of awkward phase of transition (as scary as it feels for me, and as weird)

15. I am planning a party for my birthday!

16. prior to the "something risky" tomorrow, I plan on mixing some fancy drinks (ie. liquid courage)

18. so far I've been doing breathing exercises almost every morning!!!!

20. is the one I am most afraid to do (almost did it once, then got too nervous again)

3rd day into my field experience

2009-11-19T00:04:00.003-05:00

all i can say is...

WOW. teachers in highschools must have a LOT of patience. I do not know if I can do that. I do not think I want to.

literally 50% is "Tanisia, get back in your chair", "Brian, you may not talk over me"... etc. etc.

I think I had a much more romantic view of teaching, and it's just not gonna work that way.

20 things before I'm 20

2009-11-17T00:34:00.004-05:00

1. memorize a new poem that defines life right now
~~2. sign up for salsa lessons~~ signed up for skating instead
3. attend a figure drawing class
4. go clubbing
5. make a pinhole camera

6. write a song and the music for it
~~7. give away something I love~~ gave simon my fantastic scalp massagey thingy
~~8. do something risky~~ set off fireworks on top of stephen's apartment building - 360 degrees of apartment buildings.
9. get a piano
10. make a beanbag

11. love everyone I know day
~~12. plan next year's trips~~
~~13. do something I've been telling myself I can't do~~ bought a gorgeous handmade belt that i've been coveting
14. love my parents
15. have a party

~~16. mix some fancy drinks~~ learned "the reptile" and "the skinny dip"
17. find a choir to join
18. do breathing exercises every morning
19. build a terrarium
20. pierce my own ear

sometimes this is just how it is

2009-11-08T19:07:00.007-05:00

Here I am with 2 months left to go before turning 20. When I think about that I get butterflies in my stomach. I am excited to do great things, worried I won't be able to do them, and afraid of terrible things that will happen along the way. I'm less worried about inevitable things that will happen that are out of my control than about the things I have power over, things like, if I chose to go on fitness regime, or learn a new language. The things I am capable of changing about myself are the things that are really significant, anyway. Arbitrary things do not make a person and cannot be the basis of judgment (like hair colour, or if you get hit by a drunk driver).

Two months left to go...

There are a lot of things I wish had happened, and a lot of things I am just amazed that did happen that I never thought possible. When I was in grade 4, I remember seeing the big 7th graders walking around coolly on the playground and thinking that it would just be impossible to get that old. I remember thinking the same thing about learning to tell time, and about getting a boyfriend. Stuff like applying for college was so far away, such grown-up work, it was like thinking about someone else's life.

Now I have those feelings about having a teenager. I can imagine babies and small children, but teenagers?! How would I give them advice? Who in the world is knowledgeable enough to give advice at all? Also getting old... that feels impossible, forgetting what I had for breakfast, forgetting my children's names...

I know that -- Lord willing -- I will have those experiences, but they feel the same way I felt in grade 4: that they'd be parts of someone else's life. And in a sense, they will be, I will be a completely new person, having regenerated all new skin cells, bone structure, new teeth, new experiences, new brain matter that helps me understand more complex things... but same memories of what I knew then, same personality, same genetics, same natural tendencies.

I have come to love life more and more, not in the sense that I am a "happier" person, so to speak, but that I cherish it more than I ever have before. I think that that is a little of what joy is, isn't it? I can see that life moves so much faster than the speed of my brain, that I will never understand absolutely everything. Realizing that helps me feel calmer about my future -- I let go of some of the pressure I put on myself to be perfect (don't we all expect that, as absurd as it is?). If I will never understand absolutely everything, and I certainly don't understand much now, can I stop pretending? {am I asking you, or myself?} Can I relax because I know that I will never be able to impress anyone with picture-perfect outfits, a calm life, a fluid schedule with no surprises (or if there were surprises, handling them with calm, collected acceptance?)? Please {self}, let me.

There are a few mantras I must meditate on everyday:

I will be imperfect until the day I die
I am forever covered by grace
He knows me and He knows my needs
"they also serve who only stand and wait"
I do not need to know everything, nor will I
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?"
to "love life more than its meaning"
there is no formula

Some of those are taken from the time when I was doing the "Philosophies of Life" series which started the label "philosophies of life". I think I will continue that series, as I continued writing about them, although not on my blog.

Anyway, these are things I am learning and that I am relearning in different perspectives. When I think about myself a mere three years ago and how I felt so confident about knowing things about the world I am almost embarrassed of myself. Now even when I meet someone 10 years younger than me I feel so completely in the dark about life that they must know more. Perhaps this is just the phase I am in, of finding my footing or being so in awe of how very wide the world is. Or maybe not. How would I know?

I was thinking hard about this poem today, because it is incredible how we misunderstand reality about ourselves, about the world, and even in our closest relationships.

In the Orchard

'I thought you loved me.' 'No, it was only fun.'
'When we stood there, closer than all?' 'Well, the harvest moon
Was shining and queer in your hair, and it turned my head.'
'That made you?' 'Yes.' 'Just the moon and the light it made
Under the tree?' 'Well, your mouth, too.' 'Yes, my mouth?'
'And the quiet there that sang like the drum in the booth.
You shouldn't have danced like that.' 'Like what?' 'So close,
Whith your head turned up, and the flower in your hair, a rose
That smelt all warm.' 'I loved you. I thought you knew
I wouldn't have danced like that with any but you.'
'I didn't know, I thought you knew it was fun.'
'I thought it was love you meant.' 'Well, it's done.' 'Yes, it's done.
I've seen boys stone a blackbird, and watched them drown
A kitten... it clawed at the reeds, and they pushed it down
Into the pool while it screamed. Is that fun, too?'
'Well, boys are like that... Your brothers...' 'Yes, I know.
But you, so lovely and strong! Not you! Not you!'
'They don't understand it's cruel. It's only a game.'
'And are girls fun, too?' 'No, still in a way it's the same.
It's queer and lovely to have a girl...' 'Go on.'
'It makes you mad for a bit to feel she's your own,
And you laugh and kiss her, and maybe you give her a ring,
But it's only in fun.' 'But I gave you everything.'
'Well, you shouldn't have done it. You know what a fellow thinks
When a girl does that.' 'Yes, he talks of her over his drinks
And calles her a--' 'Stop that now, I thought you knew.'
'But it wasn't with anyone else. It was only you.'
'How did I know? I thought you wanted it too.
I thought you were like the rest. Well, what's to be done?'
'To be done' 'Is it all right?' 'Yes.' 'Sure?' 'Yes, but why?'
'I don't know, I thought you where going to cry.
You said you had something to tell me.' 'Yes, I know.
It wasn't anything relly... I think I'll go.'
'Yes, it's late. There's thunder about, a drop of rain
Fell on my hand in the dark. I'll see you again
At the dance next week. You're sure that everything's right?'
'Yes,' 'Well, I'll be going.' 'Kiss me...' 'Good night.' ... 'Good night.'

Muriel Stuart

So far life has been sweet, surprising & disappointing.

Tomorrow I will compile the list of what to do in my last months in the teens.

I found the image above somewhere on the internet but now I cannot find the artist. Thank you, artist, whoever you are!

speeding up my computer

2009-11-08T18:58:00.003-05:00

My Mac OS X 10.4.11 has been slowing down, and before I buy Snow Leopard I wanted to find some ways to speed it up. Stephen found me this blog post 52 Ways to Speed Up OS X and I went through almost all of them and it actually really helped. Don't download the Monolingual thing though, as he suggests. I read a lot of people had system crashes after downloading that. I also saved the applications I used to clean and repair things, and Stephen suggests using them about every 2 months to keep things spick and span.

Isn't virtual housekeeping a crazy idea?

2009-11-04T23:25:00.002-05:00

This week has been a whirlwind of projects. I worked really hard on the one that was due earlier this week, and one member, who was not very available or flexible during the whole process actually had the gall to say "no one really put in that much effort for this project". I was pretty frustrated, but didn't say anything until he did not hand in his part of the project until 3 days late. Argh! Group projects can be so frustrating! Stephen told me about a friend who had a group project with TEN people, though! Can you imagine?! It must've been nigh impossible.

On a happier note... I now have a kitten! His name is Otto and he is 2 months old, and therefore extreeeeeemely curious. Fortunately when I have been working on the computer lately he just comes and lies on my lap, and is small enough to fit between my arms and the keyboard. He likes mellow music, stalking in the shower, and sucking on knuckles.

My mum arrives on Friday to spend a few days with me. I am looking forward to cooking for her and enjoying the last days of fall leaves together. The air has been very crisp and clean, and the sun is just so bright. I'm convinced it's brighter than in Vancouver. Is that possible? It is a requisite now to wear gloves and a tuque when biking. I have witnessed two near bike/car crashes in the last month. Other than that, my biking in the city experience has been pretty tame. It's true, I do not wear a helmet. I don't have an excuse anymore, now that my hair (so short) looks awesome no matter what I do to it. However I do have a front and back light that are set to flashing when it is a foggy or rainy day, or as the sun sets. I was so terrified biking at first though, that's for sure. I probably am a little too calloused.

Finally, my sewing machine broke. I do not know whether to try to fix it myself, or take it in somewhere. Does anyone have any suggestions? I can't seem to diagnose it with the meager information I am finding online.

need some musicality

2009-11-02T11:23:00.003-05:00

I've added one of my favourite music sites to my sidebar links, Bedtime tunes. It's site updated nightly with mellow music. Some stuff you'll have heard before, some will be new to you. It makes for nice dinner or rainy day music too.

Of course another great site is SongMeanings.net, to discuss what you think some obscure song lyrics might mean. Sometimes I feel like it's cheating to look up what a song means. First of all, is it really that important exactly what the lyricist meant? Why not enjoy whatever connotations the song brings to mind? On the other hand, there are often really interesting things inserted in songs that I would never know were symbolically representing historical events (for example) without looking these things up. Finding those things out can really make a song meatier. Or... creamier. Yeah, creamier.

Then there's my favourite radio stations (music and otherwise), including, of course, Ancient Faith Radio (Orthodox programming and music), NPR , CBC radios one and two, and finally this great Antioch Old Time radio with shows like The Shadow, The Lone Ranger, and Abbott and Costello.

8notes.com has free sheet music for a variety of instruments (as well as voice) and for many difficulty levels. I use this site often when I teach piano.

I also went through a phase of playing hymns all the time at the church next door to my highschool during lunch time. The sweet little old receptionist lady would let me in and I would go into the sanctuary to sing and play on the grand piano, just me and that huge space. I just used their hymnals, but when I moved to Massachusetts and needed that alone time, I got the music from this church music site. Beware though, it has fluffy evangelical songs in there too.

Finally, one of the most important sites depending on my location is the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra site, or more currently, the Orchestre Symphonique de Montréal. Stephen took me to the Montreal symphony just last week -- it was incredible to finally get to be there with the symphony that I've heard all my life on CBC radio! They were magnificent. The venue though, was just completely incomparable to the Orpheum back home. I am so thankful for student discounts. It is wonderful that they make student tickets just $10 per concert to encourage us young people with our loud music to go to the symphony.

PR-ing with flies

2009-11-02T10:21:00.000-05:00

2009-10-01T17:41:00.002-04:00

My love is like to ice, and I to fire:
How comes it then that this her cold so great
Is not dissolved through my so hot desire,
But harder grows the more I her entreat?

things today

2009-09-27T16:25:00.005-04:00

(image by bogflogger on photobucket)

It's been raining since late last night, and the air is heavy and grey. I feel so cozy about it. Stephen came over and made me a brunch of french toast. It was a nappish day. So is every day, actually. I have been chronically exhausted and am going to the doctor about it this week.

Now I'm in the coffee shop working on a paper due this week. All my classes have a similar theme this year, mainly multiculturalism and diversity in the classroom. It's getting rather boring. As I wrote to my Dad ". . . we've been talking about stereotyping in a lot of my edu classes... and most people talk about it like it's a really bad thing, like being racist. However, the thing is, a lot of stereotypes are true, and they are just neutral... just like how . . . *most* people want to mean something really important to another person, like a spouse. Anyway, it's made me sort of frustrated about this whole 'don't judge ANYONE about ANYTHING' thing."

I realize of course that there are a lot of bad stereotypes, but it's true that certain people in certain groups tend to be similar. Like college students tend to be idealistic and a little bit angry at the world because they can see how things "ought to be". I am certainly part of that group. I realize it's a stereotype. So what?

On a whim, after reading an announcement from the McGill Savoy society, I spontaneously decided to audition for a part in the Gilbert and Sullivan musical The Pirates of Penzance. I have loved theatre since going with my parents and our dear friend Jane multiple times a year out to the theatre downtown. Ever since then theatre has always had a magical feeling for me, of late evening and people you don't know that are all excited and playful, just like you. It's sort of like being at a family reunion of people that aren't yet your family. A little bit like heaven. And when I was in the musical Oliver at the secondary school back home it was just wonderful. All those big highschool students and little me in grade six. The sneaking around backstage and waiting in the green room and the strong sense of family between all the cast and the crew... I just loved it! In fact, I really wanted to go into drama back at Trinity Western University, but it just seemed to... dead-ended... and not "really something to study".

So I auditioned, without really expecting anything to come of it. Half for the fun, half hopeful. And the next day I got an email about callbacks! So yesterday were the call back auditions. I have a hunch I will not be offered a part, but it sure was fun to do this and relive the dream. And I'm really proud that I had the courage to just get out there and do it, even though it's something I'm really not familiar with. At least, the choreography testing I wasn't used to, but the voice stuff was all old hat.

It's been a longggg month. Stephen and I were talking about how it seems much longer than a month, just because it's been so overwhelmingly busy! In a way, he said, it's nice to have time slow down a bit. And it's true, I'd rather find I have more time than less. Now I just want to sleep...

neat little journals

2009-09-12T23:33:00.003-04:00

I just found this mini journal that my mum bought for me ages ago and I have been saving it for a particular theme or something (never know exactly how to start a new notebook). I wanted to share it with you guys because these things are from the hungersite.com, which means it's made by people that care, from recycled materials, and 25.0 cups of food from each journal will be funded by the hungersite.com, just like clicking on their button every day will. These also make great little gifts. Stephen used to carry his around in his pocket all the time for little notes he needed to make during the day. The leather ones are the neatest!

sofa beds, school and sandwiches

2009-09-12T23:07:00.004-04:00

Today I have a complete sofa bed, including, not only a mattress, but a frame! Also a bookshelf and some other pieces. This week I begin mosaic-ing my kitchen table, thanks to the inspiration of the table my friend Ava mosaic-ed. I'll post some pictures when I am finished, of course. Unfortunately the camera that Stephen and I mutually share is presently out of order.

I had quite the turn-around for my courses and school plan this past week. I was emailed by some lofty academic advisor that I had all the wrong courses and none of the required courses to be in the Education faculty (which is the one I am in). So I had to drop all my courses and add 12 credits of purely Education faculty ones. This is because I have a full time field experience class for 3 weeks in the middle of the semester... so if I was taking anything outside of the required courses (which will be temporarily halted for those 3 weeks) I would be missing 3 weeks of class during midterms.

At first I was really really upset -- I would have to drop biology which I was absolutely loving, and I would have to commit to really doing my Education degree, instead of just dabbling around in "I don't know what to do" land.

But once I had dropped the other courses and entered my new ones, and my freedom to feel lost was gone, my brain immediately went into "let's make the best of this" mode: and suddenly I was creatively excited to be a teacher again. Imagining all the ways I would revolutionize my students' creative processes and so on...

For now, I'm looking forward to just getting my B.Ed. over with so that I can go on and have a sure job, and if I'm still craving more schooling then I'll do my MA. In fact, that is the current plan, to do my MA not long after graduating. Though there may be all kinds of other events that occur between those two........

If you want to worry about something for me, or more appropriate from an Orthodox standpoint, pray for me about something, please pray about my church situation: I am not at a good parish and it is very stifling and life killing and I'm not entirely sure what to do, or if there is anything I can do. If there is an opportunity for me to learn and grow or for God to use me at this parish, please pray that I will have the eyes to see it.

Time to go do some more cooking! Let me share with you my most recent favourite recipe, including my own thoughts and tips in italics:

Toasted Apple Pecan Brie Sandwiches (found on allrecipes.com)

INGREDIENTS

3 tablespoons butter {you really do need this much butter, so don't skimp... although I did use margarine not butter}
4 Granny Smith apple - peeled, cored and sliced {I also tried pears, also yummy, but I didn't cook them long enough}
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup chopped pecans
4 slices sourdough bread {Four slices is for an open faced sandwich, I did closed sandwiches, so I used 8 slices of bread}
2 tablespoons butter
6 ounces Brie cheese, cut into long, even slices
1 pinch ground cinnamon, for dusting

DIRECTIONS

Melt 3 tablespoons of butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the apples; cook and stir until tender, 7 to 8 minutes. Stir in the brown sugar, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon and pecans and continue to cook for 1 to 2 minutes longer. Remove from the heat and set aside.
Preheat the oven's broiler.
Cut the slices of bread in half if they are very large and toast lightly. Spread the remaining butter on to one side of each piece of bread. Place two slices of brie cheese onto the unbuttered side of each piece of bread. Top with a generous scoop of the apple mixture. Place the open face sandwiches onto a baking sheet.
Broil until the cheese has melted, about 1 minute. Sprinkle with additional cinnamon if desired.

flitter

2009-09-07T12:50:00.003-04:00

I'm in my new apartment. it has been a week of madness. I haven't had furniture until yesterday (darn Ikea and their disorganization) and last night I finally got to sleep on a mattress instead of the floor.

there is a little sparrow inside this cafe. he must be very confused, poor fellow.

I'm reading A Severe Mercy again, and it is fall and school started last week and I feel comfortable and so happy.

chez nous

2009-08-24T02:56:00.002-04:00

being home is peace and sanctuary.
it's joy and delight.
it's familiarity and comfort.
it's frustration and fallible.
it's organic and precious.

exterminated!

2009-08-20T14:18:00.005-04:00

And I'm on my way home to BC tomorrow morning!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

P.S. I am no longer petsitting Mackenzie :o(

this really bites

2009-08-18T15:04:00.003-04:00

It is bed bugs. The last few days have been a whirl of rottenness. Including finding out that our apartment is infested with bedbugs, that the landlord is Korean and doesn't speak English, that while quarantining my clothes by washing and drying and bagging them, the dryer broke, that I can't sleep at night between the itchies and the heat.

So I'm grumpy and miserable and can't wait to go home. Sorry for not emailing people lately :o(

Studies show that 86 percent of all the swimming you'll do in your life is completed before you're twenty years old.

2009-08-16T20:04:00.003-04:00

It is SO FREAKING HOT here in Montreal. unfortunately this new apartment I live in retains heat and has little air flow, which means even nights are terrible. I've been getting very little sleep, and poor Mackenzie is miserable. it's hard to feel motivated about anything when it's this hot. but I DID work on my zine today!

there are many new things in my life, as of this past weekend. they have all come in the same form, although over a number of days. itchy.... red...... bumps! I went out one day and came home with my right arm freckled with red spots, and then over the next few days I sprouted them on my other arm and my legs. tomorrow I head to the clinic, as it seems this is no case of bed bugs (they spring up during the day). I think I am probably just allergic to something. any other ideas (no, it's not heat rash)?

there is no way I am spending another summer here. it is too darn humid.

so, this is natalia signing off with a word from her darling "oceanpeople are great people".

hobbies

2009-08-09T23:20:00.011-04:00

I've done/do

1. raising animals: ie. so far in my life, 5 cats, many types of fish including mum's famous black ghost knife fish, and a mouse

2. scrapbooking: a timeless teen phase

3. jewelery making: back in elementary school I made tons of bead rings and friendship bracelets.

4. blogging (it's a hobby, right? what defines a hobby? a leisure activity you participate in frequently?)

5. collections: stamps, rocks, postcards, earrings, coins, scarves, matchboxes, neat picture frames, buttons, and of course lots and lots of ephemera and that elementary school one: broken leads from coloured pencil crayons. sometime I'll take a picture of my collection of that last one. it's pretty great.

6. wunderkammer: I'll take a picture of mine for you some time, too.

7. writing poetry

8. gardening... that's gotta be the longest lived, most universal leisure activity of all time

9. pressing flowers

10. candle making

11. sewing: boxers, pjs, skirts, handkerchiefs, doll clothes, shirts, blouses, and revamping clothing

12. embroidering: I'd like to give a special mention to my mum for this one, as she does incredible embroidery, ever since I can remember

13. piano: my longest and first love

14. crocheting: I first learned this in Ukraine at a public school I visited. they had a "handicrafts" class for all grades. they learned crocheting in grade 3.

15. dolls: I participated in that wonderful and unfortunately expensive world of American Girl dolls and also the Jinny dolls that were handed down to me from my own mum, and acquired a few of my own. One of my earliest doll's names was "Stephanie Jack".

16. olympic fencing: will be searching out a fencing club here in Montreal, too

17. reading... does this even apply? this is a need, not just a leisure activity

18. writing... above applies here

19. singing: from singing "A whole new world" wearing my mum's scarves and dancing around the living room, to performing with the Kiev Symphony Orchestra and choir

20. making stationary and cards

21. watercolour painting (a more recent hobby)

22. rock climbing (also more recent: S and I just got our balaying certification a few weeks ago!)

23. I feel like I should say "getting dressed" because I spend way too much time figuring out what to wear, and that really is unnecessary... so I guess it's leisure and done (too) frequently

24. baking: mostly because cookies and tasty breads need to be made once a week or so

25. letter writing (p.s. send me your address and let's correspond!)

26. homemaking: this is also very recent, and I'm not sure if it applies in the "hobby" category... I feel very compelled to make my home as cozy and comfortable as possible and it's one more reason I love having guests stay (hence my involvement in couchsurfing)

27. oh yeah! and traveling of course!!

28. natural remedies: my favourite is peppermint essential oil for all kinds of things

29. meditating

30. music in more forms: clarinet, trombone, accordion, listening, attending concerts, jamming, enjoying

31. museums

Mackenzie on the deck table

that I'd like to do

1. fishing: I do this with my dad, but I would like to do it more frequently -- like look up fishing licenses for here in Quebec

2. pipe smoking: if it wasn't so bad for me

3. a conservatory: and when I have my own house it will have a lovely, large conservatory where I will have you over for tea

4. bird watching: I do this at a minimal level, I even acquired a bird book. but I can't say I do this frequently.

5. martial arts

6. whittling

7. tooling leather

8. salsa, tango, swing and belly dancing

9. Tug 'o War: can you imagine what it would be like to have this as "your hobby"?

10. coffee and tea afficionado (seems like very practical and non-fattening foods to appreciate to great lengths)

11. mushrooms: growing, eating, and finding

12. amateur radio station

13. zine: THIS IS MY NEXT HOBBY

14. star gazing

15. photography: I like this, I don't feel like I do this to the degree to which I can say it's a hobby of mine, although I probably take pictures every day or other day. I mean, I'm not one of those people that says "I loooove photography and I have an AKELR193020 camera". I just use a digital camera, and now also a polaroid (and maybe S will loan me his film camera sometime) again, what constitutes a hobby?

16. songwriting

17. sailing: again, something I do with my dad but would like to do more frequently.

18. learn more languages: Italian, Spanish, Greek, Hebrew, Finnish, Dutch, Chinese, and continue with Russian and German

19. kite flying

20. roller blading

21. raising a tiger

22. industrial design: I have a lot of ideas for lights and seating

23. playwrighting and acting

24. yachting

25. horseback riding

26. visiting my mum and dad (I miss them)

27. guitar playing

28. screen printing and silk screening

29. more and more and more reading

30. more and more and more gardening

What are some hobbies you've done, or would love to do?

ACHOO!

2009-08-08T01:23:00.007-04:00

I am sleeping in my new apartment for the second night. I have two roommates, both Asian guys. Sheng, the only guy I've really talked to here so far (also the one I'm renting from), is from China and is a sweet, polite, friendly-shy guy. A lot of Asian people tend to be that sort of very polite, hardworking type, and I really like them. "Sheng" means "the rising of the sun", and he is teaching me a lot of things about Chinese calligraphy, gardening with squirrels around, and cooking.

Sheng also likes Mackenzie, which is a really great thing, considering there's nothing I can do about this kitten until her Mom gets home, which looks like it might be after I go home to Vancouver for a visit -- evidently that is a conflict of schedules. That will sort itself out, but for now, we are dealing with a new home for the both of us. Mackenzie has helped me through a lot here in Montreal, and sure made it feel a lot more like home. I don't have any new pictures of us yet, but I will post some old ones.

My tomato plants are HUGE! It was a pain to bring them to this apartment... two small green tomatoes were lost "in transit". But Sheng loves to grow plants too, so he's been great about having a ton of plants come along with me and my cat. Also, my mystery plants finally budded into... Poppies! I couldn't figure out what this one plant was, and assumed that my poppies hadn't come out... when a beautiful red flower appeared!

School starts on the 31st of August... and I am looking forward to it... in a way. Usually summer leaves me feeling a lot more ready to go to school, but this summer has just been so whacky and busy that I just don't feel ready. These last three weeks are going to be nuts as well. I'm really looking forward to going home, but I have a feeling it may not be a very restful visit.

I am heading towards editing, I think. So right now I am going to keep working on my B.Ed and then stay working on my editing stuff. I'm feeling excited about it. As I wrote to a friend in an email tonight:
"I just realized today
that my life can be as similar
to the ideal life I want
as I want it to be
as long as I work as hard as the amount I want it
I am so excited."

i need to

2009-08-06T00:46:00.001-04:00

this goes for our own selves too, doesn't it?

my present agents of stress

2009-08-04T17:14:00.004-04:00

There are a few things that are keeping me stressed right now. The first, and easiest to explain is that I am looking for an apartment for September. I have an apartment until the end of August, but after that I am without home.

The tricky part about this situation is that I don't know how long I want to stay in Montreal. I have been dealing with the usual homesickness, but also a general feeling of non-belonging. When I was in South Hadley, Massachusetts, I didn't feel this non-belonging, and after getting over being homesick I was really, really happy. But here, I just don't feel comfortable. I don't know whether it's living in the city, or not having a great church situation, or what?

So most places (ie. studio apartments) need a one-year lease... it is really hard to find anything shorter, and with the possibility of me being away in Vancouver in the spring, I don't know if I should risk having to sublet because it can be risky and difficult to co-ordinate from afar.

That said, maybe I should stick it out, stay in one place for a year (I haven't done this for my entire college career) and apply to UBC and if I want to at the end of the spring semester, then go back to BC for the next year.

Obviously I feel quite unclear about this. I am optimistic, I know I will, in the end, be okay with whatever I end up doing, but that does not help me decide.

I feel as burdened with tiny things as a possum with 11 babies.

The second thing is deciding about what degree I should pursue. I have been going over and over this, and it is taking me forever to sort this out. At this point, I don't really have a significant number of credits toward any particular faculty. I have mainly music and english/literature, along with some dabbling in history and religion. I entertain thoughts of being an editor, a highschool teacher, a conductor, a worker for UNESCO... and then I get frightened by reality and worry that I need to hurry up and find a job to make money. Is money really that hard to come by? Should I compromise the time I have on this earth to worry about survival instead of figuring out what my calling is?

I feel called to help people. I don't know how or where. I tend to think it is in someway a leadership position (whether teaching or something) and engaging in different cultures/societies in some way, or at least transforming them. All in all, that's pretty vague. Social worker? Counselor? Teacher? Humanitarian? And if humanitarian, what sort? There is so much... I don't really know.

I know what I am good at: articulating, appreciating beauty, using creativity, loving learning. These are my strengths. I also know I am great at music: but I have found that I am not passionate about music in the sense of a calling. As a career, as a way to get to the top and be the best, yes, I do feel that pull -- but as a calling, no.

My head's all topsy-turvy. I don't know exactly how to focus my energies these days. I am moving into the apartment I'll be in for the rest of August on Thursday, and on the weekend I intend to start my zine, so maybe I'll have some pictures for you about it at that time.

2009-08-03T14:04:00.004-04:00

dear tomato plants,
you are going to be so hard to move when I leave this apartment next week! please grow some nice tomatoes so it is worth it!

dear Mackenzie,
I am going to miss you licking my face when your mommy comes home from Syria.

dear Montreal,
there is too much to do here to fit into one summer! it is overwhelming and fun.

dear Vancouver,
you are still the best city in the world.

dear St. Herman's,
Stephen and I miss you a lot. there are no church people here that come close to your wonderful community.

dear Stephen,
thank you for finding the polaroid camera for us, it has been SO much fun!

dear fruit flies,
please leave my plants alone!!!!!

dear summer,
please don't go so soon...

girls' night in?

2009-07-17T21:12:00.002-04:00

when everyone else has felt this way...

2009-07-16T14:52:00.006-04:00

I'm struggling with purpose. How can we all be meaningful, how can I be anything significant? I am not, that's the reality of the world... I am average, just another person, just as meaningful as the next person. But then why do I crave so desperately NOT to be just another person. I am desperately afraid of the lostness I feel inside of the world of tons of people.

Here are some things about my particular shabby little life...

did you know scallops could swim this fast?!

2009-07-13T20:20:00.001-04:00